Below is a letter for Rinse that I wrote when a month has passed after her death
A Letter for Rinse in Heaven
I’m still having a hard time every day. Toko says, “Rinse was really really loved by everyone and she was very very happy for 15 years and 5 months, so it’s impolite to Rinse if you regret or keep crying every day.” But I’m so sad that I don’t even know what to do. Koh also told me, “We are all in grief, so please cheer up, mom!” Koh is also having a tough time and he says that he’s losing his weight. I’m really worried about him.
You were such a playful, bright, sweet, and very cute girl. You were an angel in our family.
You always wanted to come together with me, every time and everywhere. I also wanted to be with you all the time, so we always went out together.
When you became older, you spent a lot of time sleeping and stayed at home to look after our house.
But when you were young, we always went out together. In Singapore, we spent our time together 24/7 for all 3 years. McDonald’s, libraries, and even Japanese restaurants, we stayed together because you were able to sit quietly inside the bag. At McDonald’s, you were eating pancakes inside the bag secretly.
When I was taking a bath, you always waited for me in front of the bathroom. You really loved to go for a walk, so we walked a lot every day.
Rinse, you really really really love Koh and Toko. I knew that you wanted to be with Koh and Toko every day. I’m sorry about that.
But I often told this to Toko. I’m really happy now. I can always be with Rinse and Shampoo every day. I always wished since I was a child to live a life like this with my lovely dogs. Without considering about others, having a relaxing time and sticking close with dogs. I’m having a very happy life now. Thank you so much, Rinse. You gave me a wonderful happy time.
But I didn’t know that you were going to pass away this much quickly. I wasn’t ready for that. For the last one month and a half, I made many wrong decisions. I’m really really sorry, Rinse.
However, I’ll try my best to cheer myself up gradually and little by little. I always always love you, Rinse. Please wait for me at the foot of a rainbow bridge.
I’ll live a great life until then. Please watch over Koh and Toko from heaven, too! It’s our promise!
To Throw Anger, Regret, and Sorrow to Myself
When I wrote this letter, my feelings were such a mess. There was nowhere to throw my intense anger and sorrow. Every day, I had to go to work anyway and I wasn’t able to make my eyes swollen. Just the time has passed cruelly in an unsatisfactory situation that I can’t cry as much as I want, and I was unable to accept this sad reality that can’t be recovered. It was really hard to write a letter when I was in such a mournful feeling. But a year and a few months have passed since then. What I feel now is that this anger and sorrow at the time was also a proof of a big love for Rinse, so I started to feel that I wanted to keep this letter for Rinse in my mind with the memories with Rinse forever.
Translated Japanese into English by picolisco